There are moments in life that shake you to your core — moments that redefine how you see the world, how you lead and who you become.
For me, that moment came in the form of an unexpected friendship. A friendship that started with frustration, turned into respect, and ended with a lesson I carry with me every single day.
I didn’t always live by the words “I am responsible.” The phrase wasn’t something I learned in a leadership seminar or picked up from a book.
No, those three words became the foundation of how I lead because of him.
Let me tell you a story.
The Man I Almost Wrote Off
Years ago, I walked into a room where a group of new salespeople were being trained in my company. They were on
a break from studying and were excited to almost be done with their training, as they were in the seventh or eighth week of training.
I asked how it was going and if they felt ready. What happened next was a pivotal moment for all of us. I shared real-world scenarios they would encounter to see if they were equipped to enter their new role. They were stumped and I was shocked. So, I asked, “Want to meet me at 6:30 tomorrow morning and I will teach you how to answer those scenarios?” They collectively all agreed and were eager to learn.
I showed up the next morning and there they were, all six of them.
I poured into them for two solid hours the expertise they would need to master key elements of their job. They eagerly wrote down what I was sharing.
Well, all but one of them did. One guy stood out, but not in the way you’d want. He didn’t take notes. Didn’t ask questions. Didn’t even pretend to be interested. He sat there, arms crossed, barely engaging. I remember thinking, This guy? He’s not going to make it. He doesn’t care. He’s not even trying. How did he get hired?
I was relieved he wasn’t on my team. But life has a funny way of humbling you. A few weeks later, I learned that he had been assigned to my team even after I adamantly refused.
I was frustrated. I didn’t want to deal with someone who clearly wasn’t engaged. I was a proud leader, and I wanted only the best people. He seemed far from the best!
But leadership isn’t always about convenience. It’s not about getting the perfect team. It’s about taking responsibility for the team you have.
I had a choice to make: Complain about it or step up and figure out how to lead him. Trust me, I complained but that didn’t change the circumstances. So I got in the car with him figuring I would start by helping him close some sales.
The Ride-Along That Changed Everything
In sales, there’s nothing like a ride-along. It’s where you see the real magic — or the real mess.
I expected to watch my new team member struggle, to see firsthand why he wasn’t coachable. What I saw instead left me speechless.
His phone rang and he answered on speaker. The client asked for information that I had shared in training — the class in which he didn’t write down a single word.
He responded as if it was me, word for word. He was brilliant. Not good. Not decent. Brilliant.
When he hung up, I said, “Talk to me!”
His answer, “I have the mind of a genius and I remember everything someone says, word for word.”
In that moment, I realized the truth: He had been paying attention. He had absorbed every word of my training. He just didn’t need to take notes because he had a photographic memory.
The problem wasn’t him; It was me. I had written him off because he didn’t fit into the mold I expected. I assumed disengagement when, in reality, he was processing everything at a level I didn’t recognize.
How many times do we do this as leaders? How many times do we mistake different for deficient?
That day changed everything.
I stopped training this rep the way I thought he should learn and started coaching him the way he actually did learn. He became one of the best salespeople I have ever seen. More than that, he became one of my closest friends.
The Words That Broke Me
If the story ended there, it would be a good leadership lesson. But life doesn’t tie things up in neat little bows. At just 27 years old, my friend passed away. The news shattered me. He had so much more to do, so much more life ahead of him.
After his death, I had the privilege and responsibility to clean out his desk. In the process, I found his mission statement — something everyone on my team was required to write. It said, “If I die today, you’ll know that I lived yesterday.”
I sat there holding that piece of paper, unable to breathe. That was him.
He lived with joy. He loved fully. He didn’t waste time worrying about the small stuff. He taught me that life isn’t about waiting for the right moment, it’s about embracing this moment.
In that instant, I knew: This was his final lesson for me.
Leadership isn’t just about driving results; It’s about helping people live. Helping them believe in themselves. Helping them step into their full potential.
That’s the moment when “I am responsible” became more than just a phrase. It became a commitment.
The 3 Leadership Lessons That Changed Me
His life — and his death — left me with three lessons I carry into every room, every conversation, every team I lead.
Leadership Means Owning Responsibility
It’s easy to lead when things are going well. It’s easy to take credit for a successful team.
But real leadership? It’s about taking ownership even when things aren’t going well.
When I first met my friend, I wanted to blame him for his lack of engagement. He helped me learn that I was responsible. It was my job to figure out how to reach him.
If you lead a team, their success or failure is on you. You can blame them or you can own the responsibility of helping them succeed. The choice is yours.
One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Doesn’t Work
People learn differently. They think differently. They work differently. Great leaders don’t force everyone into the same mold. They adapt. They pay attention. They see people for who they are, not who they expect them to be.
I almost missed out on leading one of the best salespeople I’ll ever meet because I wasn’t willing to adjust my approach.
How many people on your team are struggling not because they lack potential, but because they don’t fit the mold you’ve created?
Replace Blame with Belief
It’s easy to say, “This person isn’t cut out for this.” It’s much harder to say, “Maybe I haven’t led them the right way yet.”
What if I had let my frustration dictate this excellent salesperson’s future? How often do we give up on people when what they really need is a leader who believes in them?
Poor performance is rarely about a lack of potential. More often, it’s about a lack of the right leadership.
The Challenge for You
When I think about my friend, I think about the note he left behind.
“If I die today, you’ll know that I lived yesterday.”
That’s how I want to lead. That’s how I want to show up. Not half-hearted. Not frustrated. Not making excuses. Fully present, fully engaged, fully responsible.
Someone’s future success may just be waiting on you to see it, so my challenge to you is this:
Who on your team have you written off too soon?
Where do you need to shift your leadership instead of expecting others to change for you?
Are you leading in a way that helps others live, not just work? Leadership isn’t about power or authority. It’s about impact.
It’s about people. When you take responsibility for that? Everything changes.
This is how I lead. And this is why, every day, I remind myself I am responsible.
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