Three conversations follow negative feedback: excuse, denial and/or tell-me-more.
Dan Rockwell, who comments regularly on leadership at leadershipfreak.wordpress.com, explains:
Excuse-conversations blame. Everyone who says, “It’s not my fault,” subtly or directly says, “I’m not responsible for my negative behavior,
they are.” Excuses are the reason:
• People feel good about themselves and bad toward others.
• Frustration continues.
• Growth stops.
• Efficiency and effectiveness plummet.
Denial-conversations reject feedback. “Thanks for the feedback but you’re wrong. I don’t do that.” Address denial with gentle authority.
Rather than explore denial, simply explain detrimental behaviors and their consequences. Call for and illustrate new behaviors you expect to see. Say, “When this happens I’d like you to…”
Deal with denial another day.
Tell-me-more conversations explore and address behavior, not motivation. “I didn’t mean to,” is assumed. Motivation only matters when negative behaviors are intentional.
“Why did you do that?” is like asking Billy why he hit his sister, when there’s no legitimate reason for hitting her, in the first place. First ask, “What did you do?” Or, “What were you trying to accomplish?”
Consequences apply to malicious behavior. Feedback applies to weaknesses, inconsistencies, neglect, ignorance or lack of skill.
Wake up call: Neglect may be the reason negative feedback is necessary. Did you:
• Assign the “wrong” person. “Right” people have aptitudes and abilities appropriate to assignments
• Fail to adequately define outcomes
• Provide adequate resources
• Neglect timelines
• Disregard training
Next steps are usually enough, says Rockwell. Perfect solutions don’t exist.
