T
he boardroom discussion with your boss, aka ‘ROI Guy.’ By Scott Stratten
You: I’d like to spend some time replying to customers on social media.
ROI Guy: What the heck is social media?
You: Oy.
ROI Guy: Give it to me in English.
You: Our customers are talking about our products online and asking questions. I’d just like to be able to answer them. There’s almost a billion people on Facebook alone.
ROI Guy: You mean spend your work time on BookFace and Tweezer? That’s crazy talk, we run a real business here. (Throws up arms.)
You: People talking about our products is our business. I want us to be a part of the conversation before our competitors are.
ROI Guy: I told you; I don’t speak Spanish. What you are saying does not make sense. What is the ROI of this social media?
You: Asking the return on investment on social media is like asking what the ROI of our phone is.
ROI Guy: Listen, fancy pants, in the real world we have to justify everything we spend money on. ROI is for grown-ups and serious businesspeople. (Throws arms up.)
You: Oh really, what’s the ROI of the 5,000 golf balls you got last week with our logo?
ROI Guy: Don’t bring the golf balls into this; they look so cool with our little logo on them flying through the air. It’s priceless.
You: Or what’s the ROI of this new boardroom table here that you just paid $25,000 for?
ROI Guy: Are you mental? That’s just crazy talk. Look how delicious this table looks. It shows clients that we’re sophisticated and professional.
You: I think answering their questions on social media looks pretty sophisticated and professional.
ROI Guy: This is just an excuse so you can play FarmVille at work. Isn’t it?
You: Good lord…I understand we have to justify what we do with our time. I just don’t think social media should be held to a higher standard than everything else. How much was our last Yellow Pages ad?
ROI Guy: $15,000. But, they threw in some golf balls with their logo on them.
You: When a customer phones, what do we do?
ROI Guy: We answer the phone.
You: When they e-mail, what do we do?
ROI Guy: We reply.
You: And when they tweet, what should we do?
ROI Guy: No idea.
You: Ugh…If we don’t value conversation, we will never see why we need to use social media. Can I at least use LinkedIn for a bit?
ROI Guy: Why?
You: To find a new job.
ROI Guy: Touché.
Excerpted with permission of the publisher, Wiley, from “The Book of Business Awesome/The Book of Business UnAwesome” by Scott Stratten. Copyright ©2012 by Scott Stratten.
Check out the blockbuster animated version of this conversation at http://bit.ly/ROIConversation.
